I don't cry any more. The punch line to that is "I don't cry any less" but that isn't true. I've come to terms with Jinx's illness to the extent that I can now appreciate the days and moments we have and not dwell on what we'll miss. I got the prognosis the first week in September and here it is October 18th, so we are a month and a half into it. The vet felt that Jinx would have approximately 2 months before the tumor invaded her spine, if it hadn't already. The symptom would be that she will start to stumble on her rear feet. I have not seen that yet.
I do look. I wonder sometimes if today will be the day I notice it. As I write this, she is laying on her back next to the couch, trying to catch Tom's eye to scratch her belly. She is doing that because she came to each of us to try and convince us to go to bed and we refused. She gets along well on her three legs. I think she may be dropping the injured leg more and sometimes it drags in the grass but not enough that it is causing abrasion yet. So far as treatment, she is only getting 1/2 deramaxx each morning for pain along with 2 chinese herbs pills twice a day, as prescribed by Dr. Strickfaden. Every two weeks she has a biocom treatment, to keep her energy level up. Jinx seems to be in good spirits. Sometimes she insists that she should go somewhere with me, and I take her. It is important to her -- and us-- that she remain the centerpiece to our daily lives that she has been.
At night, she is a bed hog. Sometimes now, however, she will scoot herself over and place her head across my chest. She presses it there and will move as close as she can. Finally she will lay her head on the pillow and go to sleep.
I am feeding her raw patties, along with kefir. When I returned from CT she looked FAT and I wondered how that could be?? As it turns out, there was a kitty conspiracy in my absence. Kia chewed a hole in the bottom of the dog food bag so that it spilled out and Jinx could clean up the loose kibble. Jinx would never tear open a bag herself, but if it just happens to be on the floor, what is a dog to do??
I whisper to Jinx that she can be my Miracle and some days I convince myself it could happen. She ran down to the schutzhund field on Saturday and showed off her change of positions, her repertoire of tricks (actually only two: lay and sit pretty) and she did a revier, bite, out. She carried the bite pillow up to the house, pushing at me and shaking it fiercely. I like to be able to make her happy. If we can make it another few weeks, we are already in the plus column. I think we can.
